Ever wanted to wear a latex bodysuit in the bedroom but weren’t sure how your lover would take it? Fetishes are sticky subjects even for the most eloquent conversationalists, especially when it comes to letting that sweet, innocent significant other know that you want something a little kinky. Here are a few tips from Chicago sex therapist Kimberly Sharky on making your fantasies reality.

DO: Tell your partner what you like in the bedroom.

“Start the conversation on sex in a positive way,” Sharky says. Let your partner know how much you appreciate the way she touches you and then mention how sexy she’d look in a tiger costume.

DON’T: Tell your partner they suck at sex.

Telling your partner you hate how vanilla he is will just turn him off and make him insecure. Let him in on your fantasies while reassuring him that you love your sex life now.

DO: Be understanding if your partner is hesitant.

Not everyone is going to be gung-ho for getting tied up, so it’s important to understand that stretching out of a comfort zone isn’t easy. “For all the ways that sex is thrown in our face these days, I think people still have rigid ideas about what sex is supposed to be,” Sharky says.

DON’T: Refuse sex until your partner is willing to give in to your fetish.

“If you’re that person who really wants to try that particular thing, you can almost feel robbed of your erotic pleasure,” Sharky says. But creating tension in your relationship could lead to the end of the relationship entirely.

DO: Compromise.

There are many ways to make both people happy, whether it’s fulfilling your partner’s fantasies, or just coming home on time or doing chores she has been begging you to complete. The more you give, the more you can expect to get in return.

DON’T: Make the fetish all about yourself.

Problems can arise in a relationship if only one person’s fantasies are fulfilled. Sure, you could be having a great time licking his feet, but he may start to feel objectified if his needs are unfulfilled. Don’t forget that your partner has needs and desires too!

DO: Slowly incorporate similar alternatives.

“Suggest something that’s a segue into that world,” Sharky says. “It’s a little easier than saying ‘I want to go to a dungeon tomorrow. Do you want to go?’” That kind of urgency doesn’t give your partner enough time to adjust to the idea.

DON’T: Expect your partner to go all the way right away.

Most people will need some time getting used to the idea of crushing cockroaches in high heels. Take baby steps toward the bigger fetish and let your partner control how far and how fast you go.

DO: Be ready to settle for less than everything.

If you’re all hot and bothered for a threesome, you could try watching or reading threesome porn or including it in the way you talk dirty to your partner. Just because your partner doesn’t want to do it, that doesn’t mean it can’t be played out in other ways. “Some fantasies don’t have to be acted out; they can just be kept as fantasies,” Sharky says.